Negativity. It’s the thing I hate the most about myself. I finally opened up about my struggles with anxiety in this Instagram post last week. I didn’t plan on sharing it, I wanted to skip that morning’s post all together actually. But when I was laying in bed unable to sleep, I just started writing, and it all kind of came out. The outpouring of kind messages and texts was so overwhelming. Anxiety is such a common thing people struggle with yet it seems so taboo to talk about. For me, anxiety and negativity go hand in hand.
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After sharing that I was going through a hard time, the bad stuff just kept pouring in. A parking ticket here, an email about travel costs I owe, a health insurance letter there, and finally, a cracked laptop. All of these things alone are not such a big deal, but trying to deal with it all at once was just too much and I cracked– just like my damn Macbook. I don’t want to spend this entire post complaining or sharing all of my problems with you, because that isn’t a solution. I do however want to share how I turned this awful attitude around.
I have definitely been struggling with this whole two full time jobs at once thing — I have NO idea how people do it. Every day that passed, I was feeling more and more overwhelmed, so much so that even the menial task of cooking or doing the dishes would cause me to break down in tears. Negativity was the only thing that I was radiating and I needed a change, and quick.
After I cried, a lot, and had about 3 full fledged anxiety attacks, I had to pull it together. In times like this, I turn to the most positive people of my life. I immediately texted Sassy, who allows me to vent to her all day every day — thank god. She gave me some advice that her husband gives her when she is feeling the same way (Shoutout to Tripp): “It’s not a bad life, just a bad day.” He was right. Some people would kill to have my problems and those words really put it into perspective for me.
I am grateful for my friends and family who always listen to me cry (especially my poor mom who gets the worst of it), and help me realize that my problems aren’t that serious, and I just need to take some deep breaths and give it some time. Kat sent me a little quote that said, “There are people who would love to have your bad days.” Could not be more true.
So while I could have laid in bed all week and felt sorry for myself. I really tried to turn my negative thoughts around. A broken laptop isn’t the end of the world, and I am grateful to even have that luxury. And although I’m always tired, I should feel grateful for a healthy body that allows me to do all the things that tire me out.
And so today, I woke up with a positive outlook, and I did the only surefire thing to cure negativity: I worked out. I have said it before, and I will say it again — this is the only thing that no matter what, will make me feel better every single time. I decided to let all the negativity go, and so I channelled that energy into the fuel I needed to finish that sprint, and do that last bicep curl.