I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been in a bit of a creative rut since the New Year started. My energy has been focused on so many other things, that I just haven’t been feeling inspired recently. Please tell me I’m not the only one going through this. I had planned on sharing this Ivy Park Puffer Coat with you guys on Monday in a sassy post about doing Beyonce things but… here we are on Wednesday. So…. yeah! I decided that being real with you guys is what I pride myself on, so I’m just going to tell you what’s really been going on.
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I am not usually one to have writer’s block. After all, I can’t ever shut the hell up. But when I sat down to write this post… I just couldn’t think of anything I wanted to say. Writing about my outfit seemed so unimportant when there are so many things going on inside my head at the moment. You may have noticed it’s been some time since I shared a body positive post. And the truth is; I haven’t been feeling positive about my body.
I have hinted at a few things on IG stories about my health struggles recently but let’s start at the beginning. When I was in LA in November, right before Thanksgiving, I started feeling really weak and fatigued. Way more so than usual; there was a day where I literally fell down from exhaustion twice at my house. I couldn’t stay awake in the afternoons and every single workout was brutal. I was getting heartburn, peeing every two minutes, feet were swelling — and no, I was not pregnant! Despite all my efforts at eating “healthy,” and killing myself in the gym, I was getting no results and I felt like complete shit. My body hurt, my heart hurt, and my brain hurt. I had no clue what was wrong, so I decided to gather some data.
I took a DNA test from 23 & Me. I’m adopted so this was fascinating. I took the food sensitivity test from Everlywell and that was eye-opening (I think I will be sharing more about this on Friday). I went to three doctors to analyze my blood work. And then finally, I did a body scan with Bodyspec to get the cold hard truth that I was too scared to face. The data was terrifying — I will share all my exact numbers with you guys when I get my second scan on February 4th (body fat %, weight, etc.). YIKES.
What I learned was even though I’m “wicked healthy” (a quote from one of my doctors), I didn’t feel like it at all. I try and live a very healthy life. I work out every single day, twice a day even. I don’t drink. I don’t eat dairy. I don’t eat pizza. I don’t eat cookies or cake. Even the most healthy version of myself (or what I thought was the most healthy) really wasn’t. So I decided to mix it up. So while I haven’t been focusing SO much on blogging, I have been focusing a lot of my energy on figuring out what’s going on with me and my body. I hired a nutrition coach and I’ve been counting macros, incorporating more strength training (outside of Barry’s), and working with Flywheel to add in more cardio to my routine. I learned I was doing a lot of things wrong, I was too stressed, not fueling my body enough, not sleeping enough. I started taking Vitamin D and a Probiotic daily. I gave up apple juice — I’m a full-blown addict. I’ve been making a lot of changes, some very small and some big.
I’m not gonna lie… it’s hard. I’ve been sleeping in every day — I used to wake up at 6 or 7, but now it’s more like 9. And I have been beating myself up over it, feeling lazy, and unproductive. But I came to terms that I need to listen to my body more, and if sleep is what it wants, then I should sleep. Not listening to my body is kind of what got me to this spot in the first place. As I get older I realize that I have to stop being so hard on myself over stuff like this. It’s okay to have off days or to slow down when I need to. I’m so used to qualifying a successful day by how much money we made, how many pitch emails I sent, how many followers we got, partnerships we secured etc. I am in a much calmer place in my life without putting all of that pressure on myself. I shared a little bit more about the pressure of blogging in this post.
I’m feeling much better today and on a more positive note, I’m also planning a lot more video content for you guys this year. I am filming a day in the life tomorrow and I can’t wait to share it. I have no idea how the YouTubers put out soooo much content — it is not easy at all. I have gained so much respect for the influencers who do video all the time. My point is, I feel like so many people think the life of a full-time blogger or influencer is so easy. I feel like I am always defending my business. I’ve had multiple friends make snide remarks to me working from bed at 2PM “must be nice,” saying photoshoots aren’t hard, “stop complaining about having to photograph all the free stuff you get,” I could go on and on… but the reality is: that is simply NOT TRUE.
I do not mean for this post to come off as whiny or complaining; because that isn’t my point. It’s such a hard balance to share this curated life that we have created on social media, while still maintaining relatability, coming up with fresh new content, scheduling shoots, making travel plans and taking care of yourself. Emily shared a lot this weekend on stories about how she manages to do it all, and you guys seemed to respond really well to our “real life” stuff, so I thought I’d just give you a little life update. Stay tuned for an update in a few weeks.